WHY LAURA LIKES MATT

I think it’s always a little trite when people ask me what it is that I like about Matt. If I could say one word about him, just identify one quality that makes me love him, wouldn’t that mean that our relationship is very one-dimensional? 

My next instinct is to then respond that I like everything about Matt. But again, that isn’t  giving the asker any real information. It’s a cop-out.

So what I usually end up saying is this.

From early on, I had a good feeling about Matt. I felt very interested and drawn to him, but if you had asked me why, I would have had no answer except that I had a good feeling. Somehow I just knew he was special, unique, and good for me. 

After only a few conversations, I was able to identify what it was I liked about Matt. To me, Matt is this perfect balance of so many things. I am honestly in awe of him every day.  He is so hard working, logical, and intelligent (you don’t just get into phD programs for Chemical Engineering by looking cute). But at the same time, he is one of the goofiest, kindest, most loving people I’ve ever known. He genuinely cares about others, and you can feel it- it’s tangible. He is always trying to be his best self; no matter what situation he’s in. He loves the art of Cezanne, but also taught himself Calculus- he just simply is everything; this balance of it all that I think is so difficult to achieve. Ever since the beginning of our relationship, I’ve found this dichotomy of interests and personality in him just absolutely fascinating. I love it.

Matt makes me want to be better, try harder, and love more. He accepts me at my worst, and encourages me to be my best.  I had a good feeling about him from the beginning, and while time has passed since then, that feeling still remains.

WHY MATT LIKES LAURA

Ever since I’ve liked Laura, I have been often asked what about Laura I like so much. I dread this question because there is no clear simple response. The answer probably lies in a mélange of the conscious and subconscious - common interests, shared experiences, hormones, intuition and whatever – that I don’t even am aware of. Thus, any answer is doomed to be trite and impotent. After much thought, I have decided to address this troublesome question with a long and unrelated story.

Sometime in mid-February, everybody around us was worried about a girl named 'Coriander'. Coriander usually livened up the neighbourhood with her eclectic sassyness, but at this time she had stopped coming to social events or church, and ostracised herself from everyone else. She stopped answering her phone and door. Nobody knew why. It was unfamiliar and troubling to us all.

One evening, Laura and I decided to visit Coriander. I remember the road was grim and miserably frosted still.  At that time, our relationship was in ambiguous limbo – we were spending a lot of time together but hadn’t officially called it dating yet – so I don’t remember if we had held hands.

When Coriander opened the door, the tension was immediately tangible. Despite this, Coriander let us in when we asked if we could come in. We started chatting on the couch but the uneasiness did not abate. Coriander was agitated and I didn't know how to react. I tried some goofy humor but it exacerbated the anxiety in the room. I thought everything was going south.

It was then that Laura came into the conversation. She expressed empathy and lent a listening ear. As I have since come to know, Laura’s listening –the attentiveness and sincerity - often soothes and calms. Composed and reflective, she rarely commands the crowd but often meets the need of an individual – a primal need to be understood. She considers and contemplates upon the person - she sees the lone tree in the forest. Such feat requires one to find and hold on to a genuine, non-trivial common ground between two psyches – some impressive emotional gymnastics. Laura often musters simple and sincere empathy from little common ground. The tension soon melted, and Coriander openly talked to us for a long time, until we had to finally excuse ourselves.

I reckon Laura doesn't fully appreciate her own gift, not only because she can be a harsh self-critic, but also simple because it is simply who she is (koala bears don’t know what it is like to be not cute. Laura was probably never emotionally deaf). I remember noticing it right away though, and appreciated deeply. It was one of the first moments when my feelings for her three-dimensionalized.